Two years of pandemic | love in jogging

Have we reached a new height of intimacy?

Posted 13 March

Couples who have spent the past two years confined under one roof have turned out on all sides. These partners proved to be vulnerable, complex, damaged. They saw themselves in crisis. And they saw each other continuously.

If life led them to separate, would they be able to rebuild that intimacy with others?

I feel that if my lover and I were to break up, I would never go back to what we have developed together. That he will remain the only one who has known me so fully …

In fact, two years after the famous 13 March 2020, I believe I have experienced an unprecedented situation, on a sentimental level. I was wrong ?

Cécilia Commo confirms that n.

“There are wars, perhaps, replies the psychoanalyst and sexologist. With these couples demobilizing or hiding together … We just don’t talk about the same conditions of life. The pandemic scared us very much, the fact remains that we remained in our environment and in our comfort. Even in the days of pre-industrialization, when we lived with families, we separated at least during the day to carry out our respective duties. We never broke up there from morning to night… So yes, it was a unique situation! “


PHOTO SUPPLIED BY CÉCILIA COMMO

Cécilia Commo, psychoanalyst and sexologist

A situation that, according to Cécilia Commo, has made losers (we understand it well) and winners (we talk less about it).

Among these, three scenarios.

1) Fusion couples who have adapted to isolation without too much difficulty.

2) Couples who have had the privilege of living in a sufficiently large place. “Being stuck in 20m2I can tell you that it is a laboratory experiment… Let’s wait to see which of the two will break ”, explains the psychoanalyst.

3) Then, the couples who have had the opportunity to discover each other.

According to Cécilia Commo, some lovers separated from work and hectic daily life saw the first confinement as a parenthesis. “As if they were both lost on a desert island!” ”

Like Tom Hanks and his Wilson, they got closer.

We just haven’t necessarily discovered each other from our brightest points of view. I don’t know about you, but at the beginning of the pandemic I met a brand new Rose-Aimée Autumn … And she was much more anxious-stressful-dull than the bon vivant my boyfriend had been dating for a few years. It was a surprise for both of us.

Good morning Madam! Who are you ?

“Every day, we are all an anxious person who ignores him, Cécilia Commo reassures me. With the pandemic, some people have finally discovered their reactions to anxiety. ”

My lover reacted to it calmly by unfolding his deep voice as soon as I needed it, while wearing jogging suits or other sports suits. Everyday.

“It was difficult for people to remain so long in seduction, the sexologist rightly points out… We went headlong into the reality of the other. With its positive sides and its more irritating aspects. ”

(It’s not that joggers are irritating, but they actually fit less with the popular definition of seduction …)

More importantly, by reaching unprecedented heights of companionship, single couples have become couples. Individual intimacy has given way to coexistence.

Recently, my wife spent a few days at a friend’s house. For a very rare time, I felt love separation anxiety … I was devastated to see him go for 72 hours. I didn’t recognize myself. I had become a new woman.

Logical consequence of confinement, believes Cécilia Commo.

When we no longer practice something, we fear we will have to go through it again. Suddenly, we no longer know how to react to distance! This pandemic has made us fusion. We have to relearn how to put a distance between us without being afraid.

Cécilia Commo, psychoanalyst and sexologist

The problem, according to the psychoanalyst, is that we are not programmed to go back. When you are 50, you know you will never be again … But now is the time to remember that before you could walk away or live your individuality, and it was going very well! We existed before the pandemic. Perhaps some aspects of this old relationship are also worth going back to.

Whatever the future is, I can at least congratulate myself on being completely naked in front of others, once in a lifetime. For having abandoned makeup and hiding, for better or for worse. Then, in this whirlwind, I would have the incredible chance to discover a man in all his vulnerability.

An adventure that echoes the very recent essay by Cécilia Commo, The perfect couple does not exist: praise of imperfection.

“In my book I explain that the most delicate thing in a relationship is the acceptance of the difference. Accept that the other does not think like us or that he does not like the same things … Often we want someone who is a bit of our clone! With the pandemic, the other ended up collapsing and becoming himself. We were forced to accept the difference. ”

And to all who survived this grand inauguration, Cécilia Commo offers a new ritual …

“Maybe every March 13 you could celebrate the day you were told, ‘You and you, well, will stick together. A long time.” ”

I board.

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