In the early 1900s, the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud theorized the Oedipus complex, when a girl expresses a romantic and / or sexual feeling towards her fatherclosely followed by his pupil and then enemy, Carl Gustav Jung, who formulated the Electra complexor when a child has a loving and / or sexual behavior towards the mother. Although these theories are widely challenged today, these stages are observed in children aged 3 to 4 years. How to react? How long does it last? Parents’ testimonials.
Jessica: pregnant and mother to Jules, 11, Elsa, 9, and Roman, 3 and a half.
“I explain to him that we cannot get married”
My son is completely in the Oedipus complex! Roman is 3 and a half years old. Every day he looks at me pierced by love, he takes my face in his hands and makes fiery declarations to me. I am the love of his life! He’s devising Machiavellian plans to get me married. For example, last week, I was in a restaurant with his older brother and him. He looked at the waitress for a moment, who was very nice, and she said to me: ” Oh look, it’s beautiful. Dad might marry her. You will be sad. But so we can both get married! “
On several occasions he said to me, very seriously: I talked to dad, he agrees that we get married together, you and me. In the evening, when my husband comes home, Roman frowns: Why is it coming back? “. Whilein fact, he adores his fatherhe is very attached to her!
My two majors were different
I haven’t experienced the same thing with my two first-borns, a girl and a boy. They have had phases that have been a bit “stuck”, more my daughter than my eldest son, but nothing more. Myself, I don’t remember having “done an Oedipus complex” when I was little, with my father. Or with my mother! I remember that I was completely desperate that we will ever be apart. I asked her to marry me to always be together.
When my son tells me he wants me to be his wife, and he wants a kiss on the mouth, I find it cute. Sometimes I respond a little to her kiss slapeverything explaining that we can’t get married. I tell him I’m already his father’s wife. Or that mothers cannot marry their baby, as in the song of Donkey skin. But I can see that I’m breaking his heart by telling him. It’s difficult !
Roman is still a big boy!
When we are all together as a family and Roman makes a passionate statement to me or I kiss him, my husband steps in. He annoys him just the same, he tells himself it is important to say no. But deep down, we both know it won’t last. Anyway, I don’t really care.
I am expecting my fourth child. I’m in the last month of pregnancy. We still don’t know if he will be male or female. I know this causes a lot of concern among children. I only see that my son is growing up well: he goes to school, he has made many friends. It is a phasenot all children go through it, but to me it is still a big child!
Marina: mother of Juliana, 14, Tina, 10, Ethan, 8, and Léane, 1 year.
“We immediately merged with Ethan. “
We still are right in the Oedipus complex, when my son is 8 years old ! There, he just came back from the garden with a flower and gave it to me saying ” Do you want to marry me ? “. From now on I reply laughing and he understands that it is not possible. But it has not always been like this! The Oedipus complex started around 2 and a half years old and it was really very strong. As soon as he could talk a little, Ethan, my third child – and first son – made declarations of love to me I love you mom “, then very quickly” Mom, you are my wife “.
He offered me rings that he would look for in my jewelry to show me his love. She drew hearts with everything: her mashed potatoes, the jam… going so far as to cut the heart-shaped pancakes she offered me! I thought he was so cute when he was little. It is true that this immense love I felt for him was mutual, so I did not see the harm. I told her that I loved her too, but that I was already married to her father. she answered me ” It’s okay mom, I can share “.
He tells his father that I’m his wife
Ethan always told his sisters and father that I was his wife. He made my husband laugh, saying: I have already shared you with mom since you were born so we can continue! “And it’s true since its inception, we have been very close. Is it because I lost my first baby, at 6 months of pregnancy? When I found out I was expecting a boy after my two daughters, I framed the ultrasound. I put her next to my bed and talked to her every day.
When he was born, we immediately merged. I breastfed him for 3 1/2 years and we were “co-bed” until he was 18 months old. He did not sleep on the mattress, but on me. I was his mattress! Ethan was touching my belly, my breasts, he had they constantly need physical contact to reassure themselves. My husband found him very nice, he is very understanding. He preferred to sleep on the sofa in the living room when Ethan was in our bed. Fortunately, Ethan fell asleep alone, after which I was able to join my husband for a lovers’ evening.
Last year I had a daughter, uff!
When I went out, Ethan threw a tantrum if he couldn’t come with me. Those around me thought he was too stubborn, that he wasn’t not good for its development. I didn’t really know. I grew up in a family of six with two brothers who, even today, are glued to my mother: one lives in his house, the other eats there often, even if they have families! I realize that this fusional love doesn’t always do them a favor. So I explained to Ethan that from now on he would sleep in his own bed. I also told him that dad’s place was in his bed, with mom. He understood it immediately and lived it well.
When he started school, he became a bit sleepwalker and was still looking for my presence at night. Then I would take him back to his bed and he would go back to sleep. I had a baby girl last year. I was relieved not to have a boy. It’s so hard with my son! Ethan begins to consider having a girlfriend someday.. But she also explains that she will live next to us so that I can look after her children (I’m a nanny) and cook for them! For example, it’s not completely finished!
Angélique: mother of Brayan, 5, and Keyssie, 3.
“When we hug, our children separate us. “
I have two children, a girl and a boy. And all do their Oedipus with their father or with me ! My 3 year old daughter is her father’s little princess. She sits alone next to him at the table. She feeds her, otherwise she doesn’t want to swallow anything, like a baby! She says that her father is her lover. Since she sometimes suffers from migraines, she prepares small potions for him with her tea party, wanting to cure him, or puts her little hands on his forehead … It’s too cute!
It doesn’t bother me, although I know it shouldn’t be difficult!
My son does the same to me. He spends his time following me: in the kitchen, he prepares my coffee, washes the dishes or helps me prepare my meal. Every 5 minutes he tells me that he loves me and meI have to answer me too “otherwise he gets angry ! One day she said: You are not daddy’s wife, you are my wife! “
We are both very fusion. When I was in the maternity ward to give birth to his little sister, I felt really bad about being away from him. It’s the first time we’ve been apart in so long: 5 days! I was fed up with it! Seeing our children completely glued to us and in love, we enjoy ourselves with my partner. We take it as a joke and walk towards the children. It doesn’t bother me, even though I know it shouldn’t last.
Finally, maybe I don’t care because it was the same with my dad when I was little. I was daddy’s little princess. My father was going to go to sea for a fortnight on the Channel. During this time I slept with my mother. When he came back, my mom left the bed because I wanted to sleep with him! They later divorced and my father got my custody. I was even more merged with him. Before I met my children’s father, I went out on Fridays with my father. We made ourselves a restaurant or a cinema. People sometimes took us for husband and wife. He made us laugh.
We ended up investing in a 2m bed
At night, for a long time, our son slept with us. Since we had a cot, for better sleep, my partner left himself on the sofa. Then we ended up investing in a large 2 meter bed. Often my daughter sleeps with us. She clings to her father of her. During the day, when we hug with their dad, our children step in to separate us ! My daughter picks up my partner and my son picks me up. They can’t stand it!
However, they both have little lovers at school, but mom and dad are something else. A bit like me with my father! It is something special! Sometimes I wish this strong attachment would lessen, just to breathe a little and be able to do things with my partner, to regain some of our life as a couple.
To gofarther :Raising a boy, mission (im) possible!, by Alix Leduc, Edizioni Leduc.s. Opinions of childhood specialists – psychometric, psychologist, pediatrician, psychotherapist, speech therapist, educator – to understand what is at stake, from birth to pre-adolescence of the child.